NFL WEEK 12 …. what’s love and condoms got to do with it

NFL WEEK 12

(ALREADY?)

Deion Sanders Condom Question

Apparently while I’m trying to make a decision between picking Denver or New England, Deion Sanders is fielding twitter questions/responses about whether to give a 16 yr. old boy condoms or not. Yes, and double up Buttercup while you’re at it. Then (whoever asked this) get out a banana (uh, not yours, an actual yellow banana. Cripes, what the fuck is wrong with you?) and show him how to put it on. Otherwise it’s like giving him the keys without showing him how to drive the car. And Deion, cloth covered buttons are… uh, not so much.

Here’s a portion of the twitter feed if you’re so inclined.

Now back to the business of NFL Sunday

Last week’s win/loss was 10/5 making season totals 97/65

Detroit over Tampa Bay

Detroit at home and Megatron’s new shoe line with a freaking Transformer … how could Detroit lose?

Houston over Jacksonville

The only thing to do here is to take the home team.  They’re hugely favored which means jack shit but in reality it only takes 1 point to win the game.  Take Houston.

Green Bay over Minnesota

Green Bay earlier in the season was a no other choice but they’re not really living up to that these days.  Minnesota has a pair of fishnet stockings with holes in them for a defensive line.  Prove me wrong, but I’m going with Green Bay.

Kansas over San Diego

Kansas is back home after having their undefeated season dreams crushed by Denver.  Their PF records are pretty close but San Diego has let in almost 100 points more than Kansas.  So should be a game of who can stop the other guy better.

Carolina over Miami

Carolina has a brick wall defense and Miami are not big scorers and the back room dramas continue. Newton (like him or not) is on a roll.  Take Carolina.

Cleveland over Pittsburgh

Both AFC, both have 4 wins, both win @ home.  AKA anyone’s game.  The question is, who’s going out to play, and who’s going out to kick the living shit out of the other team.  The shit-kickers will win.  I’m taking Cleveland.

St. Louis over Chicago

Nothing more than home team advantage.  Sports pundits can slice and dice this one a hundred ways, but home team is all I’ve got here.

New York Jets over Baltimore

This is an iffy game and you’d have to have read tomorrow’s sports section to actually know who was going to win.  It will be a game of on the ground defense (I know it’s all on the ground, thank you), as the higher scorer of these two low scorers will win.  But I’m still taking The Jets.

Tennessee over Oakland

Who sucks the most here?  I’m still taking Tennessee.

Indianapolis over Arizona

Not sure why Arizona is favored over Indy here.  They either know something we don’t or perhaps the odds makers are just fucking with us.  Take Indy.

New York Giants over Dallas

Dallas beat The Giants in Week 1 when Eli was the…new shitty Eli, but he seems to be returning to the old on the ball Eli. (His receivers could’ve caught a ball, which would have helped also.) Dallas’ owner this week said that they should play the game the way they practice.  Hoping they’ll keep that trend going.  Take The Giants.

Denver over New England

The clash of the old farts.  Brady plays in spurts of on again off again speed, dexterity, and determination.  Peyton is a field controlling crazy man… for the whole freaking game. You can’t beat crazy.

San Francisco over Washington

In a complete turnaround from Sunday’s game, Monday’s game is another meeting of the new guys on the gridiron block.  RG111 has reportedly been taking some locker room flak from the team and public griping from Moss re his on field play and off field attitude.  The Washington defense is practically non-existent.  Take San Francisco. (Never underestimate the power of a previous week’s loss … as Kaepernick did to Newton in their last game.)

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NFL WEEK 11 PICKS

NFL WEEK 11 PICKS

If the NFL logos tie wasn’t bad enough we can now proudly say that Toronto’s Mayor has been effectively banned from a Canadian Football League game, and asked not to wear their jerseys.  Guess he could just stay home and eat p***y… seeing as how there’s plenty enough of that there.  Good grief.  But it’s Week 11 and time’s running out for teams to make the playoffs.  As often happens in the NFL, there are weak divisions and strong divisions.  It doesn’t make it easier to pick a game but it does mean that weaker teams make it to the Super Bowl and can go up against a powerhouse.  This makes for a crap final.  I don’t want to go there.

Going into WEEK 11 @ 87-60 with 8 correct last week.

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay

Taking Tampa.  Atlanta has not won on the road yet and disappointment comes from elevated expectations of others behavior.  Therefore I do not expect them to do anything different than they already have.

The New York Jets over Buffalo

I don’t care where they play.  I’m not taking Buffalo

Detroit over Pittsburgh

All things considered and if Detroit is firing on all cylinders – they should run right over Pittsburgh.

Washington over Philly

Philly is playing better and have won their last games but those wins come over teams that are less than stellar.  Washington plays with heart and they don’t give up easily. Taking Washington

Chicago over Baltimore

If the stars align then Chicago’s ability to score should outweigh their sieve of a defensive line.  Beyond that Baltimore is quickly becoming my new Buffalo.

Cincinnati over Cleveland

Cinci is due for a win and sometimes it’s as simple as that.

Oakland over Houston

These two are equally bad – therefore I am taking the best of the badness that they collectively are and giving it to Oakland.

Arizona over Jacksonville

The only reason that Jax won that game last week is that Tennessee shit their own bed, changed the sheets at half time, and then proceeded to soil it again.  Jacksonville may be buoyed by the win but Arizona is still a better team statistically and (should) can beat them.

San Diego over Miami

San Diego for all intents and purposes is marginally better than the Fish.  Perhaps Miami can capture an honorary win with honorary players.  Take San Diego.

Seattle over Minnesota

Seattle is better at home, and Minnesota has only won at home (giving them the London game). Which they’re not.  They’re on the road in Seattle.  Case closed.

New Orleans over San Francisco

If you take a look at their win records you’ll find that yes they’ve won games but neither has shellacked a really strong contender.  San Fran struggled somewhat against Carolina last week so I’m giving this to experience and the home team.  Take New Orleans.

New York Giants over Green Bay

Giants and Eli have rallied over last few weeks while Green Bay has floundered.  This is a must win for the Giants.

Denver over Kansas

Denver has one loss this season and Kansas is sitting on Peyton’s undefeated throne.  This, I’m sure displeases him greatly.  Denver is at home and with the pissed off/wicked smart combo under a Mile High Stadium Taurus Full Moon that is Manning tonight … well I wouldn’t mess with him.  Take Denver.

New England over Carolina

Tom Brady doesn’t have nearly the edginess of Peyton’s game face but he surely doesn’t want to lose to a still wet behind the ears Cam Newton.

MAYBE TOM

 tom brady crying

could do less of this and more of this

peyton manning mad facewhich will result in more of this

cam newton with towel on headTake New England

TP&LB

 

 

Week 4 NFL Picks, Pokes, and Ponders

Yes, I picked St. Louis for Thursday Night — Unfortunately St. Louis didn’t pick themselves and this display of Kaepernick -ing by Robert Quinn

811340402

 

Was a little bit premature…. in the grand scheme of things as San Fran did beat them 35 to 11.  Yeah, thanks for that.  More time playing please and less time on the theatrics.

WEEK 4 PICKS — THE REST

GOING IN AFTER WEEK 3 @ 30-18 (not counting that Thursday Night debacle just yet)

In London — Pittsburgh over Minnesota Vikings — Someone’s gotta win and someone’s gotta lose.  Hopefully Big Ben, in close proximity to the actual Big Ben, will get his timing right.  Maybe there’ll be some sort of almighty syncing of all things football.

Baltimore over Buffalo — you know by now how I feel about Buffalo — and it stems back to that Quarterback (who shall remain nameless) that wore a freaking white head band — and it wasn’t the 80s — play football for God’s sake — screw the hair — get dirty.  I digress — Baltimore over Buffalo.

Cincinnati over Cleveland — just because that’s what I think.  Well, apparently Orange is the new Black.

Indy over Jacksonville — we shouldn’t have to talk about this.

Seattle over Houston — I think Russell Wilson, the least hyped of the new young QBs, has got it going on.  Seattle Seahawks are better at home, but they’re getting better on the road.

Tampa Bay over Arizona — this one troubles me somewhat.  Two crappy teams playing each other usually means a crappy game …. but Any Given Sunday … anything can happen.

Chicago over Detroit — I may regret this one but Detroit hasn’t fully proven their ability yet, they’re a little all over the place and they have some injuries.  We’ll see.

Kansas City Chiefs over The New York Giants.  There is no reason why Kansas can’t win this.

I’m going way way  way out there and taking The New York Jets over Tennessee.

Dallas over San Diego — This is another tough one in a week of tough ones.

Washington Redskins (are they going to change that name?) over Oakland.  Oakland’s got a tough defensive line but Washington can put up some points.  It’s time for Washington to get their fingers out of their collective butts and get to playing some football.

Denver over Philly — The elder Manning ain’t giving up anything in his own backyard.  His house, his rules.

New England Patriots over Atlanta — New England isn’t putting up a lot of points — just enough to win, which in the straight up world I’m living in, is in fact, just enough.

New Orleans over Miami — I expect the Big Fish to put up a good fight when the Saints try to reel them in.  If New Orleans doesn’t run out of steam they’ll be having a good ole fish fry after the game.

 

WEEK 3 NFL ….LET’S GO HARD

I don’t mean me of course – I mean the teams – Let’s go harder…as in throw it, catch it, score with it.

Taking:

NY Giants over Carolina – both are 0-3 and someone’s gotta win.

Tennessee over San Diego – San Diego burned me last week by having the audacity to beat Philly.  As a true Woman, I tend not to forget these things.

Minnesota over Cleveland – Home team – rocking the purple and gold.

New England over Tampa – NE is 2-0, Tampa is 0-2. Doubtful that NE is going to give it up to the Buccaneers in their own backyard.

Houston over Baltimore – Home team advantage and nothing more.

Dallas over St. Louis – Come on Tony Romo, I’m giving you one more chance at home. Please don’t fuck it up.

New Orleans over Arizona – New Orleans is marginally better at home than away.  Arizona is better at home.  Simple math.

Washington over Detroit – Hoping hoping hoping that RG111 and his team are gonna get their act together.  Washington’s one of my old time all time fave teams and I want it to stay that way. If I have to dump you it’s gonna be like dumping that guy that’s really good in bed … but he’s still gotta go.

Cincinnati over Green Bay – Green Bay scores a lot but they give up a lot of points.  Cinci’s ability to stop people holding the brown oblong ball appears to be fairly solid.Time will tell.

Miami over Atlanta – You ask me, why?  I ask you, why not?

San Fran over Indy – San Fran is heavily favored and they are good at home.  Can they cover?  Maybe, maybe not, but they sure as shit can win.

Seattle over Jacksonville – Honestly – your family dog could pick this one.

Buffalo over the Jets – I don’t like this game – I don’t like it at all.

Chicago over Pittsburgh – Pittsburgh is at home and days gone by it’d be a sure bet to take them.  This season, not so much.

Denver over Oakland – Peyton doesn’t like to lose – it seems to take him a quarter or two to get going but when he does… Oakland should just get out of the way.

I’ll be cooking burgers on the grill in that waffly time frame between the early and late games.  Dress them yourselves and get your own liquid refreshments, I haven’t the time. Fortunately the Sunday Night Game is not one that’s grabbing me because you don’t watch every season of Dexter to miss or delay the Final Show of all time ever.  It better be good.

Thursday Night — Philly vs Kansas

Philly @ home — that’s my pick.  Philly can put some points up but defensively they’re really not doing much but standing around out there, however, Kansas even though they’re 2 and 0 have not scored spectacularly.  They look good number’s wise on defence but is this because Jacksonville pulled out a paltry 2 points in their meet up in Week 1?  The possibility exists.

I’m sticking with PHILLY on this one.

New England struggled agains the Jets … and a Cheerleader distraction

Yes, New England did struggle — was it the rain … or was it just a shit show?  New England 13 the Jets 10.

Vera Wang’s Philly Cheerleader’s outfits set to debut this Sunday.  Getting away from the standard short skirt and and moving to a more athletic look. Is there more material here or is there less?

Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders stepping out in New Vera Wang designed cheer gear.

Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders stepping out in New Vera Wang designed cheer gear.