NFL WEEK 15 PICKS AND PANS AND PHOTOBOMBS

NFL WEEK 15 PICKS PANS AND PHOTOBOMBS

I didn’t watch Oprah last Sunday night – I watched the Saints cream Carolina. It was worth it.

Last week 11-5

Season 121-87

Atlanta over Washington

(The pick if one had a set of balls would be Washington over Atlanta.)  RG111 is benched, Cousins is starting and Mom (Shanahan) and Dad (The Team Owner) are in that fighting stage before their divorce.  This phase is most upsetting for the Kids (The Team).  Mom says Dad made him make RG111 go out to play last season even though the other kids wanted to bust his knee right off his leg.  This is a shit show from locker room to field.  Still, I’ll take Atlanta.

San Francisco over Tampa Bay

Tampa has done better over the last few weeks but the combo of Kaepernick and the 49rs offense should be able to hold them at bay (couldn’t help that one).

Seattle Seahawks over New York Giants

Seattle’s loss to San Fran last week might still be stinging Russell Wilson and his merry bunch of men.  The Giants are capable of messing up on the road AND at home.

Cleveland Browns over Chicago Bears

Giving Cleveland the home advantage on this one.  Chicago has had some trouble on the road and even though that’s not a real good reason to suggest any team should win or lose, sometimes it’s just enough.

Indianapolis Colts over Houston Texans

Yeah…nuff said.

Jacksonville over Buffalo

Jacksonville at home … Buffalo not at home.  The Jaguars have waited pretty far into the season to start pulling it out of the crack of their ass … and I hope that there’s more stuck up there.

Miami Dolphins over New England

I see that the odds makers have favored New England by a much more realistic spread this time out – 2.5 instead of 11.5.  The question on everyone’s mind of course is how much will Gronkowski be missed by Brady?  And can they do it without him.  I like Miami.

Philly over Minnesota

Minnesota is at home but Peterson and Gerhart are hurting.  Philly has been burning up fields lately and there’s no real reason to not suspect they’ll do the same in Minnesota this week.

Carolina Panthers over the New York Jets

Carolina’s Cam wore the towel before their loss to New Orleans was finalized.  (I don’t know why he does this but it looks ridiculous.) They’ll be eager to redeem themselves before a hometown crowd and this should be a grind out win for the Panthers against the all over the place but consistently shitty on the road Jets.

Kansas City over Oakland Raiders

There is no known reason why Kansas cannot win this game.  That’s all I’ve got.

Arizona Cardinals over Tennessee Titans

Arizona wants this win in the worst way … the way that means they’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

New Orleans Saints over St. Louis Rams

St. Louis will have to overrun the Saints defensive line (unlikely) and shut down Brees’ air play … not to be confused with air balls (also unlikely).  Not the same thing at all.  Although this might seem like a sure thing it’s more likely to be a hard fought win … but one for The Saints.

Dallas Cowboys over Green Bay Packers

Green Bay’s Rodgers will still be photo bombing on the sidelines and Dallas at home should be able to wrap this one up as a win.

Aaron Rodgers Green Bay Packers Photobombing

Pittsburgh Steelers over Cincinnati Bengals

Statistically the Bengals should take the Steelers, but emotions suggest that Pittsburgh doesn’t want to finish their division closer to the bottom than the top.  Expect a hardscrabble fight to the finish and it’s anyone’s game – hopefully it’ll belong to the Steelers.

Detroit Lions over Baltimore Ravens

Detroit for some reason is not a team I get to watch more than once (maybe twice) a season here in Ontario, and that being mid-day on American Thanksgiving.  That this is the Monday Night game is a bonus …that it’s the Monday Night game is a pain in my Tuesday morning.  Baltimore has won their last 3 on their own home field but of their total wins this season only one was an away game in Miami.  Detroit can take this game on home field. They score more and let less in which when you dumb the whole thing down is in fact the magic formula.

Tight Pants & Leather Balls

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NFL WEEK 14 Thursday Night Football

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars

Houston just about nearly almost edged New England last week on home turf.  They’re on the road tonight in balmy Jacksonville to meet the hapless Jaguars.  Both these teams are scraping the bottom of the AFC South.  Technically I suppose Jacksonville is scraping Houston who are scraping the bottom of the AFC South.  Jacksonville beat Houston 2 weeks ago so the question is really …can they beat them again?  There is no evidence anywhere that either of these two can actually beat the other.  I’m taking Houston because overall they’ve scored more and let in less…. But it’s really an either or situation. It’s like deciding to do one thing over another because you’ll catch less shit than if you did the other … thing.

TP&LB

 

NFL Week 13 … the redemption

NFL WEEK 13 …. The redemption

…for me anyway.  American Thanksgiving was very good to me giving me 3 for 3 in the win category.  Did wish however that they’d stop showing the big birds getting loaded into the rustic truck on their happy way to getting cooked and carved.  Enough already… wait, can I have gravy on that?

Let’s begin:

Indy over Tennessee

Indy squeaked out a win over Tennessee 2 weeks ago.  They should be able to do it again and more so at home.

Denver over Kansas

(crazy didn’t quite cut it last week for Peyton) Denver took Kansas by 10 points 2 weeks ago. They’re tied for the AFC West, they both want it but Denver is the better team.

Cleveland over Jacksonville

Cleveland at home.  I don’t even want to see this game.

Carolina over Tampa

Carolina D should brick wall low scoring Tampa Bay even with the Buccaneer’s improved play over the last few weeks.

Chicago over Minnesota

This is a must win over Minnesota and hopefully the entire team has been practicing visualization where they can see themselves pulling this one out of the cracks of each other’s butts.  Yes, Adrian Peterson is doing his thing but he can’t play the whole game by himself.  Maybe he’ll just get tired…. And stop running.

Arizona over Philly

Philly has let me down repeatedly and are fast becoming my new Buffalo.

New York Jets over Miami

Miami has been known to falter on the road and in Divisional matchups.  The Jets are at home where it will hopefully be too cold for Miami to keep hold of the ball.  Predict this to be a ground fight.

Buffalo over Atlanta

(Philly being my new Buffalo gives me the option to take Buffalo) Also this is here in Toronto and we can see Buffalo on a clear day so technically this is a home game for them.  Buffalo outplays Atlanta statistically so I’m taking them and as God is my Witness….

San Francisco over St. Louis

Can St. Louis penetrate the San Fran defensive line?  We’ll see.  It’s not like Kaepernick throws it much.  This will be a tough win for San Fran …. But I think, I think, I think they can do it.

New England over Houston

Brady can throw a ball, we’ve got to give him that.  Houston winning is an unlikely upset.

San Diego over Cincinnati

Cinci is at the top of their Division right now above both Pittsburgh and Baltimore … I find that odd in a strictly esoteric kind of way. This will come down to the Cincinnati D line because compared to San Diego they just let less shit happen … but usually at home, where they’re not for this game.  I’m taking San Diego at home.

Washington over the New York Giants

Where one sucks the other is better and with the Giants favored by 1 with most odds makers, it’s either’s game to take. If RG111 has recovered from his nut busting episode from last week, and he’s still pissed off about some people bashing his Dad RG11 and he can carry that into the game (that’s a lot of “ifs”) then … I’m taking Washington.

RG111 shot to the nuts

The Anatomy of a Nut Shot

New Orleans over Seattle

Seattle has to lose at home eventually.  I’m leaving it there.

NFL WEEK 12 …. what’s love and condoms got to do with it

NFL WEEK 12

(ALREADY?)

Deion Sanders Condom Question

Apparently while I’m trying to make a decision between picking Denver or New England, Deion Sanders is fielding twitter questions/responses about whether to give a 16 yr. old boy condoms or not. Yes, and double up Buttercup while you’re at it. Then (whoever asked this) get out a banana (uh, not yours, an actual yellow banana. Cripes, what the fuck is wrong with you?) and show him how to put it on. Otherwise it’s like giving him the keys without showing him how to drive the car. And Deion, cloth covered buttons are… uh, not so much.

Here’s a portion of the twitter feed if you’re so inclined.

Now back to the business of NFL Sunday

Last week’s win/loss was 10/5 making season totals 97/65

Detroit over Tampa Bay

Detroit at home and Megatron’s new shoe line with a freaking Transformer … how could Detroit lose?

Houston over Jacksonville

The only thing to do here is to take the home team.  They’re hugely favored which means jack shit but in reality it only takes 1 point to win the game.  Take Houston.

Green Bay over Minnesota

Green Bay earlier in the season was a no other choice but they’re not really living up to that these days.  Minnesota has a pair of fishnet stockings with holes in them for a defensive line.  Prove me wrong, but I’m going with Green Bay.

Kansas over San Diego

Kansas is back home after having their undefeated season dreams crushed by Denver.  Their PF records are pretty close but San Diego has let in almost 100 points more than Kansas.  So should be a game of who can stop the other guy better.

Carolina over Miami

Carolina has a brick wall defense and Miami are not big scorers and the back room dramas continue. Newton (like him or not) is on a roll.  Take Carolina.

Cleveland over Pittsburgh

Both AFC, both have 4 wins, both win @ home.  AKA anyone’s game.  The question is, who’s going out to play, and who’s going out to kick the living shit out of the other team.  The shit-kickers will win.  I’m taking Cleveland.

St. Louis over Chicago

Nothing more than home team advantage.  Sports pundits can slice and dice this one a hundred ways, but home team is all I’ve got here.

New York Jets over Baltimore

This is an iffy game and you’d have to have read tomorrow’s sports section to actually know who was going to win.  It will be a game of on the ground defense (I know it’s all on the ground, thank you), as the higher scorer of these two low scorers will win.  But I’m still taking The Jets.

Tennessee over Oakland

Who sucks the most here?  I’m still taking Tennessee.

Indianapolis over Arizona

Not sure why Arizona is favored over Indy here.  They either know something we don’t or perhaps the odds makers are just fucking with us.  Take Indy.

New York Giants over Dallas

Dallas beat The Giants in Week 1 when Eli was the…new shitty Eli, but he seems to be returning to the old on the ball Eli. (His receivers could’ve caught a ball, which would have helped also.) Dallas’ owner this week said that they should play the game the way they practice.  Hoping they’ll keep that trend going.  Take The Giants.

Denver over New England

The clash of the old farts.  Brady plays in spurts of on again off again speed, dexterity, and determination.  Peyton is a field controlling crazy man… for the whole freaking game. You can’t beat crazy.

San Francisco over Washington

In a complete turnaround from Sunday’s game, Monday’s game is another meeting of the new guys on the gridiron block.  RG111 has reportedly been taking some locker room flak from the team and public griping from Moss re his on field play and off field attitude.  The Washington defense is practically non-existent.  Take San Francisco. (Never underestimate the power of a previous week’s loss … as Kaepernick did to Newton in their last game.)

NFL WEEK 9 PICKS AND PANS

NFL WEEK 9 PICKS AND PANS

I know I’m late putting these up but in my own defence I haven’t even turned on the TV yet to watch a game and then I was doubly distracted by MikeMajor9’s post at his Toronto@home blog about the epidemic of men sending pics of their johnsons.  He’s very funny.

I know what you’re thinking – it’s easy to call a race when the horses have already left the gate…. but I did these two days ago and this season has proven that it doesn’t matter who’s winning at any point in any game.  The outcome is a mystery till the final whistle.

Win loss record is 70-50

I took Cincinnati in the Thursday game and Miami beat them by 2.

Carolina Panthers over Atlanta Falcons

Atlanta hasn’t won on the road yet and their D is dismal.  Carolina is improving or maybe Cam’s rediscovering his groove on the field.

Dallas Cowboys over Minnesota Vikings

Dallas should win this game – points wise For and Against they are almost complete opposites – maybe they’ll cancel each other out.

New York Jets over Saint Louis

Because I prefer the Jets.

St. Louis over Tennessee

Tennessee is one low scoring team.  You have to score, more than the other guys, to win a game.

Kansas City Chiefs over Buffalo

Kansas City, by their record, has a stellar D, Buffalo not so much.  Buffalo is a hurting team.  On a clear day I can see Buffalo across Lake Ontario, it doesn’t make me like them more.

Washington over San Diego Chargers

Washington is improving their game and RG111 is just so darned likeable.

Oakland over Philly

Philly is dismal.  End of story.

Seattle Seahawks over Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Even though they seemed to struggle against St. Lo last week (were they just messing with us?) they are better at home, they do have a good D ….and Tampa hasn’t won a game yet.  It’s unlikely they’ll do that in Seattle.

Cleveland Browns over Baltimore Ravens

Cleveland lost to Baltimore in Week 2 and it’s anyone’s guess if that’ll happen again. Their win loss records are essentially the same.  Could be a shit show, could be a blow out… could be a game not even worth watching.  So, Cleveland at home it is.

New England Patriots over Pittsburgh Steelers

Even though New England likes to dick with us all, this is still a meeting of two historically powerhouse QBs.  That they’re both a bit old and creaky now will probably do more to even the strategic play playing field, but I’m still taking Brady at home.

Indianapolis Colts over Houston

Indy is coming off a bye week and should be rested. Technically opposites stats wise (read here that the Colts’ record is basically all good and that Houston’s is not) it doesn’t promise to be a good, or exciting, or interesting game.  Will it be one of those Sunday Night Games that won’t keep you cranky on Monday cause you stayed up to watch it… probably.

Green Bay Packers over Chicago Bears

Should be a no-brainer to pick Green Bay. Operative word “should”.

NFL … Is this Week 5?

It’s Week 5 here.

There was some upsets last week – they upset me – we’re not going to discuss them.

Going in Week 5 @ 37-26 (Mommy’s not happy with this)

Anytime spreads are 3 and under it basically means that the “experts” don’t have a clue who’s going to win – This weeks there’s 6 games in that range including a PK – might as well toss up a coin.

That being said:

New England over Cinci – it’s like a tradition.  New England isn’t immune to getting their clock cleaned but neither is Cinci liable to beat them.

Detroit over Green Bay – yes – it’s in Green Bay but I’m taking them anyway.

Indy over Seattle – Seattle and Russell Wilson are pretty hot right now just winning their 4th in a row to start a season, something that hasn’t been achieved in 400 years or something like that.  They’ve beat some crap teams to do so.

Miami over Baltimore – Miami at home.

New Orleans over Chicago – Chicago does have a good defensive line but New Orleans’ is better.

New York Giants over Philly – Between these 2 teams and the 8 games they’ve played between them – there’s been 1 win and that went to Philly.  The Giants can have this one … if they want it bad enough

Tennessee over Kansas – 2 not so good teams – as above – someone’s gonna have to win … or they could tie I suppose.

St. Louis over Jacksonville – Odds makers have give St. Louis a big spread on this one but I wouldn’t pay too much attention to it.  All things considered, they should win.

Arizona over Carolina – Just giving it to them on a home field advantage – sometimes you can’t overthink these things.

Denver over Dallas – need I explain this?

San Francisco over Houston – every week Kaepernick has more to prove – he’s kind of doing it but he needs to do it in a bigger way … on the field.

San Diego over Oakland – San Diego scores and lets points in – working in their favor is a low scoring Oakland team.

New York Jets over Atlanta – in Atlanta – sometimes you just have to live dangerously.

TP&LB