NFL WEEK 17 PICKS …. the show’s not over yet

Week 17 NFL … the show’s not over yet.

Lot’s of action still in the league as teams jockey for position in the playoffs.  Point in case is that there is not one NFC division decided.

Last week: 9-7

Season: 139-101

Carolina Panthers over Atlanta

Despite Cam Newton’s lesser show on the road he can still get it done, even if he has to run the ball himself, which he does.  Atlanta can’t get to there from there because the Panther D won’t let them.

Tennessee Titans over Houston Texans

Houston can’t score their way out of wet paper bag and even though the Titans aren’t top notch they should be able to hand Houston a loss and keep the Texans at the absolute bottom of the league.

Pittsburgh Steelers over Cleveland

Pittsburgh needs this game to stay in the race for anything.  They’ll get it as Cleveland’s record against them in Pittsburgh is a no go.  However Pittsburgh also needs the cards to fall in all the correct win loss categories throughout the league for it to actually mean anything for them.  Still, they’re not just going to give it up.

New York Giants over Washington

Washington does not have a hope in hell of making the playoffs, how well they play may be determined by how determined Cousins is to keep the play spotlight on himself.  Manning would like to end this less than stellar season with a win at home.

Cincinnati Bengals over Baltimore Ravens

Actually I just like the Bengals. They have more to gain with a win over Baltimore as they’re playing for the AFC’s No. 2 Seed; Baltimore is just trying to get an invite to the dance.   Actually, I just like the Bengals.  Did I say that already?

Indianapolis Colts over Jacksonville Jaguars

Indy has already clinched the Division but I don’t expect that will stop them from handing the Jaguars their final loss of the season.

Miami Dolphins over the New York Jets

This should be a hard fought battle.  Miami needs the win and Baltimore to lose to get in on the post-season fun.  The Jets don’t do so well on the road…

Minnesota Vikings over Detroit Lions

Despite the Lions dismal display of on and off field team togetherness they’ve somehow managed to hold on to…oh, they haven’t held on to anything.  Minnesota may be without their go to guy in Peterson and Detroit’s Megatron is questionable (at point of writing) but both of these teams have shown the ability to pull a surprise win or loss out of their collective jockstraps.  Taking Minnesota at home.

Green Bay Packers over Chicago Bears

Rodgers returns to the fold and the question is whether he’ll play cautiously (a la RG111) or pull out all the stops.  I’m thinking he’s gonna give it all he’s got and all he’s got will be enough to stop The Bears in their own corner of the forest.

New England Patriots over Buffalo

This is down to a battle of the QB’s.  Brady can do it and I really hope that he doesn’t wait to the last 2 minutes of the game to actually get it done.

New Orleans Saints over Tampa Bay Buccaneers

New Orleans wants and needs this game and Tampa is beyond all help.  Tampa should just let their hair down and play like they’re fighting it out in the field behind the school to see who gets to date the Head Cheerleader.  That’d be a good game to watch.

Denver Broncos over Oakland Raiders

Good night Oakland.  Thank goodness this isn’t the Sunday Night game.  Doing laundry would be more entertaining.

San Diego Chargers over Kansas City

Even though Kansas looks better on paper and can win on the road, their play of late hasn’t been what we’d expect.  San Diego is hot these last few games and the fire’s not going out just yet.

It’ll be a well-fought battle to the last seconds of the game.

Seattle Seahawks over St. Louis

Seattle is still smarting from their loss at home last week to Arizona, but not enough to lose focus and lose this one as well.

Dallas Cowboys over Philly

It’s the end of the season and I don’t have anything to lose with taking the hapless Cowboys over Philly.  I’m not a Romo fan neither do I subscribe to the premise that a team is based solely on the strength of one man. Dallas at home it is.

Tight Pants & Leather Balls

NFL WEEK 15 PICKS AND PANS AND PHOTOBOMBS

NFL WEEK 15 PICKS PANS AND PHOTOBOMBS

I didn’t watch Oprah last Sunday night – I watched the Saints cream Carolina. It was worth it.

Last week 11-5

Season 121-87

Atlanta over Washington

(The pick if one had a set of balls would be Washington over Atlanta.)  RG111 is benched, Cousins is starting and Mom (Shanahan) and Dad (The Team Owner) are in that fighting stage before their divorce.  This phase is most upsetting for the Kids (The Team).  Mom says Dad made him make RG111 go out to play last season even though the other kids wanted to bust his knee right off his leg.  This is a shit show from locker room to field.  Still, I’ll take Atlanta.

San Francisco over Tampa Bay

Tampa has done better over the last few weeks but the combo of Kaepernick and the 49rs offense should be able to hold them at bay (couldn’t help that one).

Seattle Seahawks over New York Giants

Seattle’s loss to San Fran last week might still be stinging Russell Wilson and his merry bunch of men.  The Giants are capable of messing up on the road AND at home.

Cleveland Browns over Chicago Bears

Giving Cleveland the home advantage on this one.  Chicago has had some trouble on the road and even though that’s not a real good reason to suggest any team should win or lose, sometimes it’s just enough.

Indianapolis Colts over Houston Texans

Yeah…nuff said.

Jacksonville over Buffalo

Jacksonville at home … Buffalo not at home.  The Jaguars have waited pretty far into the season to start pulling it out of the crack of their ass … and I hope that there’s more stuck up there.

Miami Dolphins over New England

I see that the odds makers have favored New England by a much more realistic spread this time out – 2.5 instead of 11.5.  The question on everyone’s mind of course is how much will Gronkowski be missed by Brady?  And can they do it without him.  I like Miami.

Philly over Minnesota

Minnesota is at home but Peterson and Gerhart are hurting.  Philly has been burning up fields lately and there’s no real reason to not suspect they’ll do the same in Minnesota this week.

Carolina Panthers over the New York Jets

Carolina’s Cam wore the towel before their loss to New Orleans was finalized.  (I don’t know why he does this but it looks ridiculous.) They’ll be eager to redeem themselves before a hometown crowd and this should be a grind out win for the Panthers against the all over the place but consistently shitty on the road Jets.

Kansas City over Oakland Raiders

There is no known reason why Kansas cannot win this game.  That’s all I’ve got.

Arizona Cardinals over Tennessee Titans

Arizona wants this win in the worst way … the way that means they’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

New Orleans Saints over St. Louis Rams

St. Louis will have to overrun the Saints defensive line (unlikely) and shut down Brees’ air play … not to be confused with air balls (also unlikely).  Not the same thing at all.  Although this might seem like a sure thing it’s more likely to be a hard fought win … but one for The Saints.

Dallas Cowboys over Green Bay Packers

Green Bay’s Rodgers will still be photo bombing on the sidelines and Dallas at home should be able to wrap this one up as a win.

Aaron Rodgers Green Bay Packers Photobombing

Pittsburgh Steelers over Cincinnati Bengals

Statistically the Bengals should take the Steelers, but emotions suggest that Pittsburgh doesn’t want to finish their division closer to the bottom than the top.  Expect a hardscrabble fight to the finish and it’s anyone’s game – hopefully it’ll belong to the Steelers.

Detroit Lions over Baltimore Ravens

Detroit for some reason is not a team I get to watch more than once (maybe twice) a season here in Ontario, and that being mid-day on American Thanksgiving.  That this is the Monday Night game is a bonus …that it’s the Monday Night game is a pain in my Tuesday morning.  Baltimore has won their last 3 on their own home field but of their total wins this season only one was an away game in Miami.  Detroit can take this game on home field. They score more and let less in which when you dumb the whole thing down is in fact the magic formula.

Tight Pants & Leather Balls

NFL Week 13 … the redemption

NFL WEEK 13 …. The redemption

…for me anyway.  American Thanksgiving was very good to me giving me 3 for 3 in the win category.  Did wish however that they’d stop showing the big birds getting loaded into the rustic truck on their happy way to getting cooked and carved.  Enough already… wait, can I have gravy on that?

Let’s begin:

Indy over Tennessee

Indy squeaked out a win over Tennessee 2 weeks ago.  They should be able to do it again and more so at home.

Denver over Kansas

(crazy didn’t quite cut it last week for Peyton) Denver took Kansas by 10 points 2 weeks ago. They’re tied for the AFC West, they both want it but Denver is the better team.

Cleveland over Jacksonville

Cleveland at home.  I don’t even want to see this game.

Carolina over Tampa

Carolina D should brick wall low scoring Tampa Bay even with the Buccaneer’s improved play over the last few weeks.

Chicago over Minnesota

This is a must win over Minnesota and hopefully the entire team has been practicing visualization where they can see themselves pulling this one out of the cracks of each other’s butts.  Yes, Adrian Peterson is doing his thing but he can’t play the whole game by himself.  Maybe he’ll just get tired…. And stop running.

Arizona over Philly

Philly has let me down repeatedly and are fast becoming my new Buffalo.

New York Jets over Miami

Miami has been known to falter on the road and in Divisional matchups.  The Jets are at home where it will hopefully be too cold for Miami to keep hold of the ball.  Predict this to be a ground fight.

Buffalo over Atlanta

(Philly being my new Buffalo gives me the option to take Buffalo) Also this is here in Toronto and we can see Buffalo on a clear day so technically this is a home game for them.  Buffalo outplays Atlanta statistically so I’m taking them and as God is my Witness….

San Francisco over St. Louis

Can St. Louis penetrate the San Fran defensive line?  We’ll see.  It’s not like Kaepernick throws it much.  This will be a tough win for San Fran …. But I think, I think, I think they can do it.

New England over Houston

Brady can throw a ball, we’ve got to give him that.  Houston winning is an unlikely upset.

San Diego over Cincinnati

Cinci is at the top of their Division right now above both Pittsburgh and Baltimore … I find that odd in a strictly esoteric kind of way. This will come down to the Cincinnati D line because compared to San Diego they just let less shit happen … but usually at home, where they’re not for this game.  I’m taking San Diego at home.

Washington over the New York Giants

Where one sucks the other is better and with the Giants favored by 1 with most odds makers, it’s either’s game to take. If RG111 has recovered from his nut busting episode from last week, and he’s still pissed off about some people bashing his Dad RG11 and he can carry that into the game (that’s a lot of “ifs”) then … I’m taking Washington.

RG111 shot to the nuts

The Anatomy of a Nut Shot

New Orleans over Seattle

Seattle has to lose at home eventually.  I’m leaving it there.

Week 4 NFL Picks, Pokes, and Ponders

Yes, I picked St. Louis for Thursday Night — Unfortunately St. Louis didn’t pick themselves and this display of Kaepernick -ing by Robert Quinn

811340402

 

Was a little bit premature…. in the grand scheme of things as San Fran did beat them 35 to 11.  Yeah, thanks for that.  More time playing please and less time on the theatrics.

WEEK 4 PICKS — THE REST

GOING IN AFTER WEEK 3 @ 30-18 (not counting that Thursday Night debacle just yet)

In London — Pittsburgh over Minnesota Vikings — Someone’s gotta win and someone’s gotta lose.  Hopefully Big Ben, in close proximity to the actual Big Ben, will get his timing right.  Maybe there’ll be some sort of almighty syncing of all things football.

Baltimore over Buffalo — you know by now how I feel about Buffalo — and it stems back to that Quarterback (who shall remain nameless) that wore a freaking white head band — and it wasn’t the 80s — play football for God’s sake — screw the hair — get dirty.  I digress — Baltimore over Buffalo.

Cincinnati over Cleveland — just because that’s what I think.  Well, apparently Orange is the new Black.

Indy over Jacksonville — we shouldn’t have to talk about this.

Seattle over Houston — I think Russell Wilson, the least hyped of the new young QBs, has got it going on.  Seattle Seahawks are better at home, but they’re getting better on the road.

Tampa Bay over Arizona — this one troubles me somewhat.  Two crappy teams playing each other usually means a crappy game …. but Any Given Sunday … anything can happen.

Chicago over Detroit — I may regret this one but Detroit hasn’t fully proven their ability yet, they’re a little all over the place and they have some injuries.  We’ll see.

Kansas City Chiefs over The New York Giants.  There is no reason why Kansas can’t win this.

I’m going way way  way out there and taking The New York Jets over Tennessee.

Dallas over San Diego — This is another tough one in a week of tough ones.

Washington Redskins (are they going to change that name?) over Oakland.  Oakland’s got a tough defensive line but Washington can put up some points.  It’s time for Washington to get their fingers out of their collective butts and get to playing some football.

Denver over Philly — The elder Manning ain’t giving up anything in his own backyard.  His house, his rules.

New England Patriots over Atlanta — New England isn’t putting up a lot of points — just enough to win, which in the straight up world I’m living in, is in fact, just enough.

New Orleans over Miami — I expect the Big Fish to put up a good fight when the Saints try to reel them in.  If New Orleans doesn’t run out of steam they’ll be having a good ole fish fry after the game.

 

WEEK 3 NFL ….LET’S GO HARD

I don’t mean me of course – I mean the teams – Let’s go harder…as in throw it, catch it, score with it.

Taking:

NY Giants over Carolina – both are 0-3 and someone’s gotta win.

Tennessee over San Diego – San Diego burned me last week by having the audacity to beat Philly.  As a true Woman, I tend not to forget these things.

Minnesota over Cleveland – Home team – rocking the purple and gold.

New England over Tampa – NE is 2-0, Tampa is 0-2. Doubtful that NE is going to give it up to the Buccaneers in their own backyard.

Houston over Baltimore – Home team advantage and nothing more.

Dallas over St. Louis – Come on Tony Romo, I’m giving you one more chance at home. Please don’t fuck it up.

New Orleans over Arizona – New Orleans is marginally better at home than away.  Arizona is better at home.  Simple math.

Washington over Detroit – Hoping hoping hoping that RG111 and his team are gonna get their act together.  Washington’s one of my old time all time fave teams and I want it to stay that way. If I have to dump you it’s gonna be like dumping that guy that’s really good in bed … but he’s still gotta go.

Cincinnati over Green Bay – Green Bay scores a lot but they give up a lot of points.  Cinci’s ability to stop people holding the brown oblong ball appears to be fairly solid.Time will tell.

Miami over Atlanta – You ask me, why?  I ask you, why not?

San Fran over Indy – San Fran is heavily favored and they are good at home.  Can they cover?  Maybe, maybe not, but they sure as shit can win.

Seattle over Jacksonville – Honestly – your family dog could pick this one.

Buffalo over the Jets – I don’t like this game – I don’t like it at all.

Chicago over Pittsburgh – Pittsburgh is at home and days gone by it’d be a sure bet to take them.  This season, not so much.

Denver over Oakland – Peyton doesn’t like to lose – it seems to take him a quarter or two to get going but when he does… Oakland should just get out of the way.

I’ll be cooking burgers on the grill in that waffly time frame between the early and late games.  Dress them yourselves and get your own liquid refreshments, I haven’t the time. Fortunately the Sunday Night Game is not one that’s grabbing me because you don’t watch every season of Dexter to miss or delay the Final Show of all time ever.  It better be good.

NFL WEEK 2 BREAKDOWN

Hey, I might break down … but it’s not that bad is it?  Week 2 is still anybody’s game — no one team has come out as on top of anything, not defensively, not offensively, and not any one position …there’s been some outstanding plays and players but it’s too early to suggest that there’s any kind of consistency  at all.

STRAIGHT UP RECORD SO FAR — 9 WINS & 7 LOSSES

GOING IN TO WEEK 2

NEW ENGLAND OVER THE JETS — GOT THIS ONE — IT WAS THURSDAY’S GAME

PHILLY OVER SAN DIEGO — Philly kind of had it going on agains Washington and San Diego last Monday were there but that’s about it.

BALTIMORE OVER CLEVELAND — not sure Baltimore’s that good or that Cleveland is that bad

HOUSTON OVER TENNESSEE — I’d box this if I could but I’m taking Houston @ home

INDY OVER MIAMI — I think that the Colts have more to promise than the Dolphins do

BUFFALO OVER CAROLINA — this is Buffalo’s only chance not to freaking screw me over

ST LOUIS OVER ATLANTA — I may live to regret this one

GREEN BAY OVER WASHINGTON — Washington and RG111 will have to have done a shit load of work since last Monday

KANSAS OVER DALLAS — Is Romo hurt? Can he play?  Did Kansas kick the snot out of Jax last week or is Jax just that bad?

CHICAGO OVER MINNESOTA — when in doubt go home team … or something like that

NEW ORLEANS OVER TAMPA — hoping that Tampa will hand over this game just like the served it to the Jets in Week 1

DETROIT OVER ARIZONA — if Reggie and Megatron and Stafford can get their shit show together — they should win it

OAKLAND OVER JACKSONVILLE — taking the home team over the vile visitors (aka defensive and offensive missing)

DENVER OVER THE GIANTS — The Manning showdown — NYG were awful last week and the elder Manning’s experience should give Denver an edge

SEATTLE OVER SAN FRANCISCO — this pains me to take but the Seahawks are, or have been, hard to beat at home

CINCIE OVER PITTSBURGH — they’re favored to win and the Steelers did nothing last week to make me think they’ll win this week.

WEEK 1 …it’s a crapshoot but let’s go anyway

Wow — Thursday — Denver finished that one off …

Week 1 is a crapshoot — Any Given Sunday means any thing can happen — and I’m not cooking or cleaning or doing anything that’s going to get in my watching way …. and you can wash your own underpants as well.

Picks in bold

I did take Denver — how could you not?

New England @ Buffalo — I despise …no I loathe Buffalo

Seattle @ Carolina — The Seahawks screw me over regularly but not as much as Buffalo

Cincie @ Chicago — who knows? but that sweet and salty Chi-Town popcorn is good

Miami @ Cleveland — without Ricky Williams … hey I liked him.  But he’s gone.

Minnesota @ Detroit — I’m not sure Detroit’s young QB and Megatron or whatever his nickname is have got it going on again just yet.

Oakland @ Indy — no brainer …. I think with my brain that it’s a no brainer.  My brain might be wrong.

KC @ Jax — two crap teams by all accounts — this is dangerous overall — AKA crapshoot

Atlanta @ New Orleans — this one gave me pause to consider at length — when in doubt go home team

Tampa @ the Jets — The Jets, things that make you go …hmmm

Tennessee @ Pitts — who wants it more.  No. Who really really wants it more.  Beat @ home Week 1.  Pittsburgh wouldn’t like that.

Gbay @ San Fran — Big Colin fan — let’s hope he doesn’t disappoint.

Arizona @ St. Louis — Arizona just because I had to pick someone.

Giants @ Dallas — I just don’t like Dallas and Romo

Philly @ Washington — Now I do like RG111 — (his new sock line is a little f’d up though), I like both teams but will the knee stand the test of time?

Houston @ San Diego — Closing with Houston because it’s my right to do so.

This two Monday nighters is going to make me have to take a nap on Tuesday — Women have shit to do during the day.

************

As they say — know you’re limit and bet with in it — I’m telling you what I’m picking — not what you should pick.  That’s on you.  Be responsible.